Post by Thomas KoenigPost by Kerr-Mudd, JohnOn Thu, 23 Sep 2021 20:35:30 -0000 (UTC)
Post by Thomas KoenigPost by Jason EvansHi all,
I've been engaged in a bit of Usenet Archaeology to find useful,
funny, and interesting articles from the past. While Usenet has
only around 40 years, the sheer amount of information out there is
vast and yet also surprisingly limited since there are big gaps
where articles just aren't available.
I'm planning on writing a tutorial this week on how I do research
on the big-8.org website. I'll post a link here and I'm always open
for suggestions. Results should be posted to alt.usenet.reposts if
possible, with the full headers intact.
Hm... if you happen to find the "Usenet Olympics" by Peter da Silva
by any chance, please repost it. I remember it well, but have been
unable to find a copy.
Googlefu weak?
Apparenlty :-)
Post by Kerr-Mudd, Johnhttp://uffish.net/attic/weirdness/Usenet-Olympics.html
Thanks a lot indeed! Saved for future reference.
(And it wasn't by Peter da Silva after all, it seems).
Thanks for the memory. It prompted me to dig into my own archives
(being the pack rat that I am, I have copies of lots of this stuff)
and I found my own copy. The version posted on the web site is
missing the first couple of hundred lines. Here they are:
========================================================================
Msg-ID: <***@cbfsb.att.com>
Posted: Tue, 8 Oct 1991 20:34:51
Org. : AT&T Bell Laboratories
Person: scott.forbes
Post by Thomas KoenigI'm looking for more material like this. I'm especially interested in
[...]
* The complete USENET Olympics series.
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The Usenet Olympics -- Opening Ceremonies
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The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents:
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(________) (________) (________) The 1991
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\ / //// \ / //// \ / Usenet Olympic Games
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Brought to you by DuPont Chemical, the makers of napalm.
[Title sequence: Computer generated athlete-type graphics whiz by
as Olympic trumpet music blares in the background. Fade slowly to
a camera shot of USPN studios; the announcer voice-over begins as
the studio lights come up:]
Post by Thomas KoenigUSPN presents live coverage of the 1991 Usenet Olympic Games!
We take you now to Bryant Gumbel at USPN Olympic Headquarters in
Atlanta, Georgia.
[Fade in to Bryant sitting at a desk, with an array of TV monitors
showing the Usenet Olympic logo (five flaming torches) in the
background.]
Post by Thomas KoenigThank you, Don, and welcome to the 1991 Usenet Olympic Games.
USPN is proud to present the ultimate pinnacle of net competition,
and will be bringing you up-to-the-minute coverage of all the
major news and events as they happen, where they happen.
Our staff of reporters and correspondents has been in preparation
for several months, as have the competitors arriving here today.
We have participants from over 78 newsgroups in the Olympics, in
events ranging from synchronized flaming to the marathon.
Our coverage will begin with the opening ceremonies, which are
already in progress. We take you now live to Wolf Blitzer,
standing by at Spafford Stadium.
[Fade to a 'sky-cam' shot from high above the stadium.]
Post by Thomas KoenigThanks, Bryant. This is Wolf Blitzer, reporting to you live from
the opening ceremonies of the Usenet Olympic Games. You're seeing
the stadium as it appears from the Usenet Blimp, hovering high
above the ceremonies, and as you can see most of the teams have
already entered the stadium.
[Cut to Wolf Blitzer on the reviewing stand; he is wearing a
flak jacket and carrying a gas mask.]
Post by Thomas KoenigWe're looking forward to an exciting, event-driven Olympics here
at Spafford Stadium, and you can feel the anticipation in the air.
[A group of harried-looking sysadmins walks onto the track, circles
the stadium as quickly as possible, and takes its place among the
already assembled teams. The audience applauds lightly.]
Post by Thomas KoenigNews.admin isn't an energetic team, but they've got a lot of power
[A band of angry-looking college freshmen carring blowtorches enter
and look around the stadium as if daring anyone to post anything.
After a tense interval, they settle into place.]
Post by Thomas KoenigAs might be expected, alt.flame took home several gold medals in
the track and flame events last year, and are expected to repeat
that performance here at the 1991 games. But there are a lot of
loose cannons among the alt.flamers, and they tend to work against
each other in the team sports.
[Several tall, narrow lights appear on the playing field, and the
rec.arts.startrek team beams into the stadium. The team is equally
divided between redshirt Security guards and Starfleet Admirals.]
Post by Thomas KoenigOne of the biggest teams in the Usenet Olympics, rec.arts.startrek
fields competitors in almost every event.
Wolf, haven't there been reports of some bad blood between r.a.st
and one of the other groups?
[The rec.arts.sf-lovers team, brandishing everything from swords
to lightsabers, enters the stadium. Many of the r.a.st athletes
put their hands near their phasers, and the r.a.sf-l team responds
with glares and similar hostility.]
Post by Thomas KoenigYou can see there's no love lost between these two teams, Bryant.
After the fiasco at the Badwill Games, where an apparent r.a.sf-l
gold medal in Group Reorganizing was wiped out by r.a.st protests,
there's been nothing but hatred between these two newsgroups.
And that's the last of the teams entering the stadium. Here comes
the torch-bearer, preparing to light the five torches in the logo
[Kent Paul Dolan enters, carrying a flamethrower set on "medium".
He jogs about a quarter of the distance around the track, holding
the nozzle above his head, and then sees the r.a.st team: ]
Post by Thomas KoenigYOU!
You ruined
my beautiful
r.a.sf-l
reorg!
You're all
a bunch of
morons!
Take this!
[Kent sets the flamethrower on "eat flaming death" and fires into
the r.a.st group, toasting several redshirts. The r.a.st team
responds with phaser fire, temporarily stunning Kent; alt.flame
and r.a.sf-lovers immediately jump into the fray...]
Post by Thomas KoenigUm, it looks like we've got a commotion on the field...
[Phasers, swords, lasers and fire lizards duke it out on the field,
as the r.a.sf assortment plows into r.a.st. Again, several of the
redshirted Security men are killed, but none of the Admirals are
even injured. Players from rec.arts.drwho quietly begin stunning
some of the isolated players with sonic screwdrivers.]
Post by Thomas KoenigBryant, it's pandemoneum here; I don't know how much longer we can
stay on the air...
[Mutant X-men rejects from rec.arts.comics begin fighting on both
sides, and the alt.flamers start torching each other. A news.admin
player quietly begins typing on a nearby portable computer, and
the rec.arts.startrek.info team vanishes!]
Post by Thomas KoenigYou haven't
heard the
last of me!
[Suddenly a bronze dragon appears in the air above the stadium, and
begins chewing firestone from its rider's pouch. Simultaneously, a
Klingon Bird of Prey uncloaks and locks on the nearest target...]
Post by Thomas KoenigWe're out of here! [goes off the air]
[The camera returns to the USPN studios. Scenes of great violence
and carnage are visible on the monitors behind Bryant.]
Post by Thomas KoenigOnce again, violence has disrupted the opening ceremonies of the
Usenet Olympic Games. This marks the third straight year that the
games have been marred by pre- and post-event flaming, but it's
the first time anything has happened this early.
We'll continue our coverage of the 1991 Usenet Olympic Games with
the opening track and flame events, the Rambling Post and the
Controversial Topic. Stay tuned to USPN for exclusive interviews
and more excitement as we cover the 1991 Usenet Olympics.
[To be continued...]
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Usenet Olympic Games Coverage -- Day 1
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--
/~\ Charlie Gibbs | Life is perverse.
\ / <***@kltpzyxm.invalid> | It can be beautiful -
X I'm really at ac.dekanfrus | but it won't.
/ \ if you read it the right way. | -- Lily Tomlin